I went to a sport running way to run. I ran between 1,000-1,2 km. And I was still thinking why I was depressing myself slightly after periods of trying to be balanced and joyful? Because I make fantasies too nasty and in those moments I want to forget the bad stuff. The truth is so. Life is a shit. But what if I can transform it in something beautiful? (Romanian expression: Să faci din rahat bici a face rahatul bici / din rahat bici expr. (vulg.) a obține o performanță notabilă într-un domeniu de activitate, cu resurse modeste, în împrejurări defavorabile.)
Yes. This is how I am. I do not want to be attached to people anymore because I love it very passionately and i suffer a lot and it’s beautiful but I need repairs. I need to tell myself that life is shit, some people commit suicide, others fight in trials for years because I do not know what causes, others die in the airplane, many young people are bringing down othbers by bullying day by day including an ex lover of mine, people are offended, the words hurt and kill. People are breaking up because they have unresolved traumas or because they get bored and want to get pleasure so fast. I am like that.
I am like that.
I want to look for values not people. The Values I’ve seen in the Jewel of the Palace, In The King’s Concubine and in The Storm at the Palace more. Respect for ancestral traditions, integrity, need for justice, truth of reality, authenticity. And I will take what I learned from Marius colleague from the Baia Mare Olympics- lack of inhibitions and openness to people, not to care about how others see you but to be open to know other people, from the neuroscience professor-the enthusiasm to convey a matter and how passion can help you overcome social stress.
Darius from Eminescu – the quality of being a leader and ability to heat cold hearts like mine even though you can throw a joke from time to time and especially sportiness and passion for swimming..
Marcel de la Alunu – the ability to convey and load with warmth from people and the need for truth, and especially the passion to solve mysteries as it was in the evening of games with dark stories and in the treasure-hunt camp.
Radu de la Alunu-from you in the camp I learned to be a little lady.
Gabriela Culda – I understand what you want to keep your playful character and how to combine it with seriousness and professionalism.
Elena of Arcalia – which made me realize that the world of artists is my home.
Alina from the Neuroscience Circle – for opening a new perspective on PTSD
Laura of the Neurological Circle-Because she believed in the union of the two circles for an evening, and because I found a dear friend in her.
And there are others. Many i will make a second list. :*
I’ll look for the values. The need for reality. For the truth. For genuine love. Of pure creativity. Playful yarn. Mental force. Of integrity. The samurai. Yes. And if I follow the values I will find people with the same values.
Then I will be reconciled. Values make sense. Their pursuit means having a life together with you. And reconciliation with your self means happiness. As long as this is not done and the values do not match with you it means it’s not your real self. It means you need to look for other values. Why are not you happy about people? Because they do not do things that conform to your values. That’s why you feel uncomfortable. Restless. Lonely. Find your values and after that you will find people.
14 august 2018